There’s a few things I want to share with you that I’ve never had the courage to say. Hell let’s be honest I never wanted to acknowledge it in my own head so how could I share it with another person.
The first time I felt depression I was around 13. I had a home with an amazing dad, a brother, a sister even my dads girlfriend and her daughter were pretty cool. In this some what crowded house though I was alone. I sat there on the couch, my usual spot, surrounded by this “family” and tears started rolling down my face. At first I dont know if I had even noticed but Dad’s gf did. She asked what was wrong and the only words i could say is “I’m tollerated.” Don’t feel bad I’m sure that didn’t make sense to them either. There was just a feeling, a truly terrible soul crushing feeling, that I was not loved or even liked just simply tollerated. Now I dont know if you’ve ever felt this but if you haven’t just know it is one of worst pains I’ve ever felt. I remember giving some crap explanation about missing my mom who had moved away and forgotten my birthday. But really that didn’t bother me. I had gotten used to it by that point. The reason I was crying is because I felt like I could make everyone happy if I wasn’t there any more. That’s the first time I remember truly wanting to die.
I.M. Renascitur 